Deepening Your Relationship with Your Teens: Benefits and Tips to Foster Trust
For a lot of parents, trying to get your teen to open up and talk to you about their lives can feel like pulling teeth–but it doesn’t have to be this way. Making an effort to foster your connection with your teen now can help to lay the foundation for a strong relationship even well into their adulthood. Keep reading to learn more about the benefits of a strong parent-teen relationship and for tips on how to cultivate trust.
The Lasting Benefits of Strong Parent-Teen Relationships
Having a positive, healthy relationship with your teen can undoubtedly make parenting a little easier–less conflict, less worrying, and more honesty are all things we hope and strive for. But aside from potentially keeping stress-induced gray hairs at bay, there are proven benefits to maintaining an open line of communication with your teens. Research has shown that middle school and high school teens who feel emotionally alienated from their parents have higher instances of anxiety and depression than their peers with stronger familial relationships. One study even found that teens who feel close to their parents have better outcomes in terms of general health, mental health, sexual health, and substance use in young adulthood. The main takeaway from both of these studies are that by being a stable source of love, support, and warmth for your teen, you are helping to set them up for success later in life. But they aren’t the only ones who benefit from this dynamic–for parents, fostering positive relationships with your teens has also been shown to lead to stronger relationships with them even as they enter adulthood.
Tips and Advice from a Teen Therapist
Sara Schreiber, owner and founder of Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in working with teens. Here are some of her biggest pointers that will help your teen feel comfortable enough to open up to you about all the things in their lives:
When they tell you about basic things going on in their lives, don’t criticize or judge them for what they are telling you. Instead, let them know that you are interested in what they are saying and ask them questions that show interest without sounding judgmental.
When your teen complains to you about a friend or a teacher, don’t take the friend or teacher’s side or try to play devil’s advocate. Instead, reflect back what they are telling you and validate their feelings.
When your teen seems upset, asking “what’s wrong?” can sometimes make them close off even more. Instead of approaching them with questions, try telling them that you can see that they’re upset and that you’re here for them if they want to talk to you about it.
When one of your teen’s peers are making choices that you disagree with, especially regarding sensitive topics like sex or substance use, it’s important to avoid making judgemental statements; instead, try to use neutral language and let your teen know that you would be there to help them out or answer any questions that they might have about it.
Share your experiences with your teens. Show them that you’re not perfect, talk about your messy emotions or the hard feelings you had when you were their age. They need to feel like you are relatable and not just a judgmental parent who doesn’t get it.
These pointers outlined above should be happening in the context of casual, friendly interactions–not serious sit-down conversations that intimidate your teen and make them want to run. It’s also so important to remember that teens are experts in knowing if you are being genuine and will not take you seriously if they have a sense you are not being authentic.
Fostering a relationship with your teen that helps them open up more to you is hard but not impossible. With the right tools and techniques, you can build a relationship with your teen where they will feel comfortable talking to you about everything.
Getting Help
For some, this might all seem easier said than done, and it’s important to know that it’s okay to ask for help. A therapist or counselor can help provide you with tools to navigate the ups and downs of parenting a teen. It’s hard to be there for your child if you don’t have support yourself! At Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy, we have several therapists who specialize with teens and their families and have availability for individual therapy with both adolescents and adults.
Asking for help can be scary, but we’re here to support you every step of the way! Contact us today to schedule a free 15-minute call with our intake coordinator to learn more about our providers and services.
