The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

“I hate you ALL and I never ever want to talk to any of you AGAIN!” Casey rage-types to her ‘BFF-Foreva’ group chat. She then methodically blocks each and every one of her friends on everything, from Tiktok to some old chat app they had all downloaded and used once. Casey curls up in her bed, sobbing and biting her pillow, as she wonders why this always happens to her, alternating between hating herself and hating everyone else. 

Meanwhile, Casey’s friends are rolling their eyes and sighing - Casey always does this. She incorrectly pieces together a story based on everyone’s social media and then assumes the worst. Casey is emotionally exhausted and her friends are sick of it.

Now let’s look at an alternative reality where Casey had DBT Skills. Casey sees some social media that makes it seem like everyone is hanging out without her. Casey feels that tightening in her stomach and her hands getting sweaty. To counter the distress, Casey does fifty jumping jacks to wear out her body. It’s hard to be distressed when you’re physically exhausted! She then runs her wrists under cold water to change her body temperature and regulate herself. 

At this point, Casey feels calmer. She uses her Check the Facts skill to self-reflect on her own assumptions that has led her body to react as though it is under threat. She then imagines the worst-case scenario and practices Radical Acceptance so she is prepared if her friends truly did get together without her. Now Casey is ready for her Opposite Action skill - although she feels like typing in all caps and rage-blocking, she writes out a calm and polite text to send out to her friends to understand more about what’s going on here. 

John stares at his computer screen in disbelief. His boss just threw him under the bus in an email to a client. Before John can think things through, he replies aggressively and inappropriately on the public group chain. By the end of day, John is summoned to an HR meeting and put on a Performance Improvement Plan. John goes home feeling demoralized and disheartened. He spends the rest of the evening lashing out at his wife and kids. 

Alternatively, the second John starts to feel his emotions consuming him, he utilizes his Paired Muscle Relaxation skill to regulate himself. He then uses an interpersonal effectiveness skill called DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindfulness, Appear Confident, Negotiate) to communicate respectfully and calmly to his boss about what was troubling him about the email. John’s boss was receptive and John went home happy and calm. 

DBT skills are life-changing. We learn to accept what we cannot change and to change what is within our control so we lead healthy and fulfilling lives. In attending a DBT group, you are making a commitment to a life worth living - although we face challenges and have struggles, we are all capable of joy and satisfaction.  You deserve to be happy. Let’s speak more about how DBT can help you during a 15 minute free consultation call. 

Blog Post by Shira Somerstein, LCSW. Shira is a DBT therapist at Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy LLC and sees clients through individual and group therapy.