Getting Through the Holidays in a High-Conflict Family

The holiday season can be a time of joy and connection, but for those navigating high-conflict family dynamics, it can also be stressful and overwhelming. Here are seven practical tips to help you maintain your peace and sanity during this challenging time:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Before heading into any family gatherings, decide what you’re comfortable with and stick to it. This could mean limiting your time at events, avoiding certain topics of conversation, or even declining invitations that feel too draining. Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly—and remember, “No” is a complete sentence.

2. Plan Your Exit Strategy

Having an escape plan can help you feel more in control. Drive your own car if possible, or have a rideshare app ready. If the conversation or atmosphere becomes too intense, politely excuse yourself and leave. Knowing you have an exit option can reduce anxiety going into the event.

3. Manage Your Expectations

Recognize that family dynamics are unlikely to change overnight. Accepting that certain relatives may behave in predictable ways can help you approach the situation with less disappointment. Focus on controlling your own reactions rather than trying to change others.

4. Practice Self-Care

The holidays can take a toll on your mental health, so prioritize activities that help you recharge. Whether it’s going for a walk, journaling, meditating, or indulging in your favorite holiday treat, carve out time for yourself. You deserve care and kindness, too.

5. Enlist Support

Talk to a trusted friend, partner, or therapist about your feelings and concerns before and after family events. Having someone to validate your experiences and offer perspective can make a world of difference. You’re not alone, even if it feels that way in the moment.

6. Stick to Neutral Topics

When interacting with high-conflict family members, steer conversations toward safe, neutral topics like movies, books, or holiday traditions. If a conflict arises, don’t hesitate to redirect the conversation or remove yourself from it altogether.

7. Celebrate in Your Own Way

Remember, you’re not obligated to spend the holidays in ways that don’t serve you. Create new traditions that bring you joy, whether it’s hosting a “Friendsgiving,” volunteering, or having a cozy day at home. Redefining the holidays on your terms can make them feel more fulfilling and less stressful.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the holidays in a high-conflict family isn’t easy, but with thoughtful preparation and self-compassion, you can create a season that aligns with your well-being.

Think you might need some additional support? At Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy, our empathetic and knowledgeable therapists are well-versed in family conflicts and are here to help! Schedule a free 15-minute call with our intake coordinator today to learn more about our individual and group therapy offerings.