Embracing a More Deliberate Life
Before becoming a therapist, I had fully planned on working in the sports industry. My last summer before deciding to switch to social work I had worked as an intern at an incredible company named OpenSponsorship. Right before the internship ended my boss, Ishveen Anand, took me out to lunch as a thank you for the work I had done. She asked me what my plans were and I started to answer “well in five years from now…” when she immediately cut me off and asked “why are you talking about five years from now? How could you possibly know what will be? Focus on next week or next month, and don’t let a plan for five years from now be your driving force.”
A theme that often comes up in the therapy room is ideas and thoughts of what the future will hold. It doesn’t matter whether they are rooted in hope and excitement or in anxiety and stress, the theme remains consistent which is a lack of focus on the here and now.
Slowing down equips one with the capacity to both face various life challenges and relish in life's excitement. When one sees themselves lashing out in anger, losing patience with children, slipping into bed and can’t be bothered, perhaps it’s due to unaddressed stress that has reached a boiling point.
When one feels that nothing positive can occur in life, can’t believe where the time has gone, or is praying for time to pass because the next stage of life will bring them happiness, perhaps it’s due to difficulties in being present and mindful of daily joys.
However one terms it, (mindfulness, focusing on the here and now, Kavanah (intent), or observing ego), slowing down provides many benefits. Developing stronger insight into one’s behaviors and emotional responses, and understanding and working through struggles in a more productive way can limit emotional and physical breakdowns. Disconnecting from technology to play with one’s children or being mindful during a quiet restful time in bed can increase consistent happiness and joy.
How does one slow down, become more mindful, and not get caught up in various stressors? There are many books, resources, and therapists that can provide help in developing techniques for doing so. However, the number one thought that seems to stop someone is cynicism. Often used as a defense, cynicism can play out by questioning how much mindfulness can truly help. Or perhaps more often, the cynicism about the process itself, which could include aspects of meditation, will require the question of “what are you feeling?”
It’s not easy to change habits, but it can be liberating. To sit, slow down, and be aware of what one is feeling often becomes one’s greatest asset to change. It’s hard to commit to a new process or new way of being but cynicism shouldn’t be what stops one from engaging in true change. The ability to be present is a feeling that trumps all.